Divorcing a Narcissist Husband Takes Smart and Strategic Planning
Learn how to divorce a narcissist husband without sacrificing your rights and sanity
Divorcing a Narcissist Husband (Part I)
Divorcing a Narcissist Husband - Help for Wives and Mothers
You are divorcing a narcissist husband. You may be scared. You may be at your wit’s end. Your narcissistic husband is unpredictable and reckless. You need help.
It is not easy. But look at it this way. You only have to deal with one of these monsters while our Californnia divorce attorneys have the experience of dealing with plenty over the many years we have practiced family law.
Divorcing a narcissist husband does not have to mean that you have to suffer through a miserable divorce.
Divorcing a narcissist husband does not mean you have to accept a result that is not consistent with the law.
There are proper ways to deal with such husbands who are:
- have serious anger management issues,
- take out those issues on you and the children, or
- are intent on driving up your legal fees.
This is part one of a two-part article. In this article, we are going to discuss how to deal with divorcing a narcissist husband. We will assume for this article the wife is the lower income earner or the homemaker.
We realize of course income and such issues are not gender based. For those husbands and fathers who are the stay at home dads or the lower income earner, everything we write here for wives and mothers applies to them.
In Part II, we look at divorcing a narcissist wife from the perspective of the higher earner husband.
Our E-Book on divorcing a narcissist
For those who want a comprehensive and informative guide and roadmap on divorcing a narcissist, we have written an E-Book which you may acquire through Amazon.
It is titled "Divorcing a Narcissist Guide - the Path to Growth and Freedom." The following is a link to that E-Book.
Divorcing a narcissist husband who bullies and intimidates you
Divorcing a narcissist husband who is the higher income earner means you are likely up against bullying and intimidation.
This can be especially true if you have been a long time homemaker, stay at home mom or earn very little income. These tactics generally involve financial abuse and include the following:
The narcissist husband's failure to provide complete responses to discovery
Discovery is the formal request for information and documents regarding the marital estate. This tactic forces you, as the lesser income earner, to file a request with the court to compel the information you need and therefore incur attorney fees that should be avoided.
The narcissist husband's failure to pay support or delaying payment
Failing to pay support or delaying it is a way to exert control. It comes in many forms and includes unlawful deductions from support that were not court ordered.
The narcissist husband's hiding of or lying about income and assets
Narcissistic husbands sometimes feel as though the money they have made during the marriage is theirs and everything that has come from it should be their separate property.
That is not the law.
California community property law defines what is and is not community property and separate property but try to explain that to a narcissist husband like this…it may be futile.
Each of the narcissist husband's tactics are designed to strike fear and intimidate
All of these are intimidation tactics. All of these tactics are designed to cause the maximum amount of stress and attorney fees so that the wife eventually gives in and takes less than what he or she may be entitled to from the community estate.
There’s a right way and a very wrong way to respond to such bullying tactics.
The wife should not respond "in kind" when divorcing a narcissist husband
The wrong way and unfortunately the typical way many wives respond is "in kind", especially in high asset divorce cases. These wives meet unreasonable and aggressive behavior with their own unreasonable and aggressive behavior.
This “fight fire with fire” approach when divorcing a narcissist husband may be one of the worst things you can do in a divorce case. It essentially lowers you to the same standard implemented by your narcissistic husband. It therefore cause the litigation to go longer than it should.
Credibility is too important to lose
You also lose credibility because when the family court law judge wants to make a decision, he or she frowns on your conduct as well as that of your narcissistic husband and both of you lose credibility in front of the court.
Being unreasonable, using counter intimidation tactics, using children as leverage in a divorce or taking unrealistic expectations into the process often does not get results. It just causes more unnecessary stress and aggravation.
Divorcing a narcissist husband with a simple and systematic approach
Instead, you can combat the narcissistic husband with a simple and systematic approach – use your narcissist husband's conduct against him or her.
When a narcissist husband fails or refuses to cooperate in providing financial information, California law allows you to compel him or her to provide the information.
These motions to compel as they are sometimes called alert the court of your narcissist husband's lack of cooperation. These motions ask the court to make orders consistent with California liberal discovery laws.
California law also gives the court the discretion to monetarily sanction the narcissist husband for the attorney's fees and costs he caused. This can be a powerful deterrent because you will have turned your narcissist husband's uncooperative conduct against him by having him pay for his misconduct.
When divorcing a narcissist husband, he must understand there are serious consquences to not paying support
If your narcissist husband fails to pay support that is lawfully due, you have many options available to you.
While family law contempt proceedings (which can be criminal in nature and could cause the non-paying spouse to be sentenced to jail) are one option, others include a garnishment of wages, levying of bank accounts and even asking the court for security instruments to ensure the payment of ongoing support.
Seeking attorney's fees when divorcing a narcissist husband
You also have the option available to you of filing an attorney fee motion based on your need and your narcissist husband's ability to pay.
You may also proceed against him per Family Code section 271 which is designed to sanction unreasonable behavior.
Divorcing a narcissist husband does not have to be a nightmare
There are steps you can take to keep your case on track and get a fair result. Contact us to discuss your case. We are here to help and offer an affordable initial strategy session.
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Here are some additional articles and guides we think you will enjoy. We have written an amazing guide for mothers who are in a custody battle or think they may face one.
It has over 50 custody battle tips for mothers, all of which is from our extensive family law experience.