How Do You Deal With a Lying Spouse During Divorce?

What do spouses typically lie about during divorce?

Here are the most common topics.

• Income,
• The existence of assets,
• The value of assets,
• The other parent's relationship with the children,
• Child abuse,
• Child neglect, and
• Spousal abuse.

How to deal with a spouse who lies about income

Most spouses who lie about their income are self-employed.

We rarely see a wage earner lie about his or her income because pay stubs usually tell the story.

With self-employed spouses, there is more opportunity to lie. This is especially true with self-employed spouses who operate private companies that are not highly regulated.

For example, a restaurant owner may have a more difficult time lying about his or her income than a private consultant.

So how do you deal with this issue?

You can obtain documents, answers to questions, admissions of fact, and take the other spouse's deposition.

A deposition is a process in which your attorney questions your spouse about any topic related to the divorce.

In a deposition, your spouse must answer the questions under oath and in the presence of the court reporter who types every word anyone speaks on the record.

• Carefully analyze documents that set forth income and expenses.

These include bank account statements or statements with any financial institution, profit and loss statements, general ledgers, accounts receivable and account payable reports, expense reports, tax returns, etc.

• Hire an experienced forensic accountant to review all of the financial records.

There is no substitute for this action. Family law attorneys, no matter how skilled and experienced they may be, are not forensic accountants.

You need an independent forensic accountant who not only reviews the financial records but provides guidance to you and your family law attorney on what the records show and what additional records you and your attorney will need.

• Closely analyze the lying spouse's personal expenses.

Only the government can spend more money than it brings in.

If a spouse claims he or she spends more than he or she earns, that is often proof the spouse is lying.

• Conduct "discovery" which is the formal request for information.

You can obtain documents, answers to questions, admissions of fact, and take the other spouse's deposition.

A deposition is a process in which your attorney questions your spouse about any topic related to the divorce.

In a deposition, your spouse must answer the questions under oath and in the presence of the court reporter who types every word anyone speaks on the record.

How to deal with a spouse during divorce who lies about custody or parenting issues

The four most common lies a spouse tells regarding child custody or parenting time issues are the following.

• Lies about your involvement with the children,
• Lies about your bonding with the children,
• False allegations of child abuse or neglect, and
• Lying about child abuse or neglect (denying it) when it really did happen.

How do you deal with these types of spouses?

We will first address items one through three.

The two most important actions you can take when faced against a spouse and parent who is willing to lie to hurt your relationship with your children is to properly prepare for court proceedings and have the courage to proceed to court.

• The parent who attempts to hurt the other parent's relationship with his or her children is often an insecure coward.
• These lying spouses and parents project their own shortcomings and insecurities.
• Either they have an unhealthy level of attachment to the children or they are malevolent individuals who take a sick pleasure from their misconduct.
• Hire an experienced family law attorney who is knowledgeable and has the necessary courtroom skills in high conflict, child custody cases.
• Conduct the necessary discovery including perhaps most importantly the deposition of the lying parent and any alleged witnesses the lying parent claims to have, and be ready to proceed to court.
• It is not coincidence malicious parents like this often cave as court appearances near, and sometimes on the courthouse steps.

You have no guarantees the process will expose the lying parent's misconduct

The family law system is sometimes dysfunctional and does not afford good people the opportunity to present their case in full.

Family law judges often take shortcuts they should not in reaching decisions, especially on child custody issues.

However, look at it this way. What is a reasonable alternative? Are you really willing to surrender your relationship with your children? Will you allow the lying parent to hurt that relationship until it severs?

The answer had better be no if your children are your highest priority.

That brings us to item number four, which is a parent who lies about child abuse he or she committed

Much of what we wrote above is true about how to deal with this kind of parent.

There is one additional action you can take that is beneficial, and that involves a child custody evaluation process or the appointment of the lawyer for the children.

We like this process more when faced against an abusive spouse, because children, especially when they are old enough, are willing to reveal the nature and extent of the abuse in a comprehensive child custody evaluation.

This process may also work well in the first three scenarios we mentioned.

What are the consequences in family court to a lying spouse?

We often hear a spouse who is a victim of the other side's lies lament about his or her concern the other spouse will get away with the lies. This is a common perspective.

This perspective exists because the victimized spouse believes the lying spouse got away with the lies throughout the marriage so why would lying during divorce be any different.

Fortunately, the California Family Code has dire consequences for lying spouses. That includes all situations including those where a spouse lies about income, assets or makes false allegations of abuse.

The consequences may be both financial and, in child custody situations, the loss of legal or physical custody.

Financial consequences may include attorney's fees and costs against the lying spouse.

If a perpetrator of domestic violence seeks spousal support against the victim, he or she may face a rebuttable presumption against a support award.

In those extreme situations that involve hiding assets, the consequences may include the loss of the asset, or payment for its full value to the other spouse.

This is an expansive topic and an article by itself.

What we write below touches briefly on some of the California Family Code sections that dish out the punishment. We do not cover every code section or every consequence.